Simon Sinek says lasting relationships need 3 compatibilities plus circumstances Author Simon Sinek shares his 3+1 formula for lasting romantic partnerships: intellectual, sexual and creative compatibility plus circumstances. He warns that infatuation can be mistaken for true compatibility. Author and motivational speaker Simon Sinek says the difference between a good relationship and a great relationship may come down to one formula. He calls it the 3+1 formula, developed after years of considering what makes partnerships work. Sinek is the author, inspirational speaker and founder of The Optimism Company in New York. He has built a following of millions with content about leadership and interpersonal communication. He shared his breakdown of core compatibilities with Fox News Digital. The formula centers on three core factors that can ebb and flow over the course of a partnership.Core Compatibility FactorsThe first is intellectual compatibility, which Sinek said is essential. You get along and enjoy going out together, he explained. It does not mean you are as smart as each other, Sinek said. It means you have something to talk about when you go out together.Sinek groups sexual attraction and creativity together because they use the same part of the brain that is imaginative. When people can bring imagination to their sex lives, that is creativity, he said. You hear it in couples who have been together for 10, 15, 20 years, Sinek said. They talk about how things get stale and boring.That is creativity, according to Sinek. A good relationship can blossom with one-and-a-half or two of these factors, Sinek said. But a great relationship includes all three. The bonus factor is circumstances, which is controlled by external forces and can tip the scales of a successful relationship.Sometimes we meet somebody who fits all three, but they live on the other side of the world, Sinek said. We cannot move our lives and they cannot move theirs. Or maybe they are already in a relationship and you shrug your shoulders and say, Bad timing. Sometimes we get infatuated because we find one or two of those things, Sinek said.But for it to really last, I have learned it takes all three, plus the circumstances. Sinek warned that having one or two of these factors so highly developed, especially early in a relationship, can create the misleading impression that this is my person. One of the biggest things I have learned about relationships is the danger of infatuation, Sinek said. He noted that early attraction can be driven by dopamine rather than love at first sight.Infatuation and Lasting LoveHe said people can fall for the fantasy that the person represents and think, I have been looking for someone like you for my whole life, despite knowing someone for only a few hours. Sinek said lasting partnerships require all three factors to develop over time. They should not rely primarily on initial attraction or immediate chemistry. After the initial infatuation fades, it may become more clear whether a person is a good long-term match.Sinek suggested that a lack of intense infatuation at the beginning could sometimes be a positive sign. You hear about people who knew each other for 10 years because they worked together, he said. And then they finally realize that they are in love with each other. There was no infatuation.There was no spike. I know I have made this mistake a million times, Sinek said. I met great people, but there was no infatuation, so I was like, nope, not for me. Or I was seduced by the infatuation.For committed or long-term couples who seem to have the core factors out of balance, Sinek urges them to pay closer attention to habits that may be pulling them away from the relationship. You see people who go out for dinner on a regular basis, and they are either on their phones the whole time, or they are looking in other directions, he said.Balancing Relationship HabitsSinek said that in a fast-paced dating climate that is more sexually driven and tied to instant gratification, all three parts of the formula must develop. He cautioned against placing too much importance on one or two factors simply because they are especially strong or appear early. It is recognizing that when they start to wax and wane, all three of them are going to matter, Sinek said. They are going to show up naturally at some point.It is more of an awareness rather than trying to force it.