Dear Abby, the long-running advice column penned by Jeanne Phillips, recently addressed a reader grappling with a difficult life decision.

A Dilemma of Distance and Duty

A woman, engaged to her fiancé for two years after a six-year relationship, is struggling with the prospect of moving across the country. The move would bring her closer to her partner, but would also mean leaving her parents, who are both facing health challenges.

Family Health Concerns

The reader explained that her father has been hospitalized for nearly a year and a half, and her mother is also dealing with health issues. This has created significant anxiety about leaving them, despite her deep love for her fiancé.

Balancing Happiness and Responsibility

“I’m almost 40, and the weight of this decision is overwhelming,” the reader wrote. “It has me torn between pursuing my happiness with him and staying close to my family.”

Dear Abby's Response

Abby advised the woman that, after nearly four decades, it’s unlikely her mother and brother will adopt healthier lifestyles. She suggested consulting a licensed psychologist to help overcome anxiety about pursuing her own happiness by joining her fiancé out west.

Abby emphasized the importance of living one’s own life, rather than clinging to the “fruitless fantasy” that relatives will change if she remains nearby.

A Separate Issue: Boundaries After Surgery

In a separate letter, a woman shared her experience after her husband broke his hip and underwent a total hip replacement. She politely declined offers from family and friends to “come and sit with me,” explaining it wasn’t a crisis.

The Importance of Asking, Not Telling

Abby acknowledged the well-intentioned nature of the offers but stressed the importance of asking if someone wants company, rather than assuming they do. She agreed with the reader that projecting one’s feelings onto others is often misguided.

Abby also cautioned the reader to manage her temper while politely declining assistance, recognizing that some offers stem from genuine concern about potential surgical risks.

About Dear Abby

Dear Abby was founded by Pauline Phillips and is currently written by her daughter, Jeanne Phillips. Readers can contact Dear Abby for advice.