'Why didn't she go to the police immediately?' I understand why Jane Doe's early texts to her alleged rapist were a coping mechanism Olivia Petter explores the complex emotional landscape following a sexual assault, drawing parallels between her own experiences and the high-profile case of Jane Doe. She discusses the reasons why victims might initially dismiss or downplay their assaults, emphasizing the importance of supporting survivors through their healing process rather than questioning their credibility. One morning several years ago, I woke up feeling shaken and disorientated, with text messages on my phone from two men whom I couldn't remember meeting. Later, I would recognise I had been sexually assaulted, but in the immediate aftermath, despite knowing something was wrong, I didn't call the police or even tell anyone what I thought might have happened. Instead, I sent a friend a text message saying 'lol, woke up to loads of messages from random men'.'OMG you're hilarious,' she replied. At the time, it felt easiest to dismiss it as a funny story: I'd gone out, got drunk, and then not remembered how the night ended. Maybe there had been a boy in my bed, but who knows? It took months for me to come to terms with what had actually happened.Cornell Fraternity Gang Rape AllegationsLast month, a young woman filed a civil lawsuit against Cornell University and seven male students, as well as their fraternity chapter, alleging that the men drugged and gang-raped her during a seven-hour ordeal in October 2024. The men deny all the allegations. The alleged details are as horrifying as you'd expect, including messages in a group chat encouraging other men to come and experience the 'free p****' that was on offer in a college dorm.The ready availability of a passed-out, vulnerable woman was being discussed as if she were meat on a supermarket shelf - indeed, one message read, 'shop still open?' Lately, my social media feed has been full of women who are, like me, appalled by the allegations, which continue to emerge. Perhaps most galling has been the response from the university in New York state, which, so it is claimed, chose to punish some of the alleged perpetrators by asking them to complete educational modules on sexual harassment. Just two of the seven men were expelled.Online Debate Questions Victim CredibilityHowever, as is often the case whenever stories like this hit the headlines, there has been a debate swirling online too, one designed to challenge the victim's credibility: why didn't she go to the police immediately? That questioning intensified when text messages surfaced between Jane Doe, as the woman has been named in court filings, and one of the alleged perpetrators.Sent two days after the assault, the texts show the man apologising for 'how things went down', adding he and another man felt bad for being too intoxicated to 'shut it down and kick people out before it got way out of hand'. The woman, who was 20 at the time, replied that her memory was 'super clouded too', adding that they had all been intoxicated.She continued 'non of the sexual stuff was illegal', claimed that she liked being with him and another man, and suggested they smoke together again, 'but like leave out the extra 5 billion men and ketamine'. In response, Doe's lawyer, Thomas Giuffra, has said his client was initially in denial about what had happened to her. To some, this might sound far-fetched.Author's Personal Experience With RapeAnd those texts, while just a snapshot of the communication, may be difficult for some people to reconcile with Doe's later allegations. But I understand from personal experience why she might have sent them, and the confusing balm of self-protection they could offer a woman who has been sexually assaulted. The first time it happened to me was in my early 20s, by someone I was dating. He took the condom off without my consent during sex.I became pregnant and had an abortion. It was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. And yet it took me years to realise what had happened to me was rape. That it counted.This is despite the fact that I had even written about non-consensual condom removal before it happened to me. Unlike other victims of this specific crime, who might not realise that it is legally classified as rape, I knew that it was. And yet, I still didn't think the term applied to me. Instead, I blamed myself and my lack of sexual experience.It was my fault, not his. The social messaging I had internalised prevented me from seeing what had actually occurred.Then there was the night I mentioned earlier when I was blackout drunk and later told by a man whom I had met at a party that he had come home with me. He was not there when I woke up, and I had no recollection of having had sex.So, as Jane Doe has alleged in her legal case, I was clearly too intoxicated to consent, which would render any sexual contact as rape in the eyes of the law. Yet still, I didn't recognise this at the time. I'd never had a one-night stand, let alone slept with anyone I didn't know. It was only months later that I began to have flashbacks to the night, remembering details of the assault that I had previously repressed.I started having panic attacks and bouts of insomnia. I eventually went to the police and reported the attack. The man was arrested, and later pleaded guilty to sexual assault. Looking back now, I can see how my initial responses - joking about the text messages, blaming myself for the pregnancy - were all part of a defence mechanism.When something like sexual assault happens, it is shocking and disorientating. It takes time to process the trauma. For me, it wasn't until I was able to confront the reality of what had happened that I could properly heal. The messages Jane Doe sent to the alleged perpetrator are distressing, not least because they reveal a deep sense of confusion and vulnerability.It is heartbreaking to see someone who has just been assaulted attempt to normalise what happened, perhaps in the hope that it wasn't as bad as she thinks it was, or because she simply doesn't know what else to do. But it is also incredibly common.Need For Better Support For SurvivorsThe fact that victims often don't report crimes immediately, or even recognise them as such, is a testament to the complexity of these experiences, and the need for society to provide better support for survivors. We cannot judge Jane Doe for her attempts at coping in the aftermath of an assault. We should instead be focusing our anger on the men who allegedly drugged and raped her, and the systems that are failing to prevent and punish such crimes.Only then can we hope to change the statistics that see one in six women experiencing sexual violence in their lifetime.