UCLA Friendship Researcher Shares Science-Backed Steps to Make and Keep Friends Jaimie Krems, director of the UCLA Center for Friendship Research, explains how frequent interaction, friendship markets, asking favors and self-disclosure can combat the loneliness epidemic affecting more than half of U.S. adults. An epidemic of loneliness, a feeling experienced by more than half of U.S. adults, prompted a U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory in 2023. Research from Jaimie Krems and others has found that friendship involves teachable competencies that can be learned. Krems is now director of the UCLA Center for Friendship Research. She said friendship is hugely neglected in terms of attention and funding, passed over in favor of romance or dynamics that lead to stereotyping and discrimination. One day in 2008, when she was in her early 20s, Krems stumbled across Gchat messages between one of her closest friends and her housemate.Researcher Stumbles Upon BetrayalThey had been written on her own computer, which her housemate had borrowed, and the two had been talking all about her. It was not good. I was just really devastated, Krems recalled. And since then, I wanted to understand.What could cause two friends to act in such a painful way to a third? The experience spurred her to study adult friendship. Krems cited an analysis from researcher Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad that found lacking social connection affects health similarly to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. Google search trends show the query how to make friends reached an all-time high last spring and vastly outpaces searches for how to find a date or fall in love.Even though friendship feels like magic, it does involve these teachable competencies, said Krems. If we were able to teach that, I think that we would solve this epidemic of loneliness, which is a health problem, a public health problem, a civic problem. It is an economic problem, and everybody is unhappy. There are two main ingredients for friendships to form, Krems said, citing research from Dr. Daniel Hruschka at Arizona State University and others: frequent interaction and mutual attraction.Key Ingredients For Forming FriendshipsBeing in the same place with the same people repeatedly, even writing in a journal in a coffee shop at the same time each week, is enough of a start. If you could do frequent interaction, maybe there will be somebody with some mutual attraction, Krems said. You need both of these things to create a friendship. Frequent interaction is the part of the equation that is easier for us to control.One way to maximize chances on both fronts is to identify what Dartmouth researcher Dr. Janice McCabe calls friendship markets, essentially places where many people are open to making friends. McCabe is a professor of sociology who studies how and why people connect. If there is a new identity that you are looking to explore, look for places where people are meeting regularly and have a chance to get to know each other, McCabe said.She suggests ones with built-in times to interact, such as a running club where you can chat along the way, or improv or art classes. Expat communities are great friendship markets, she added. People living in another country might hope to make friends with locals, but they can also find strong ties among others living the same experience as foreigners, even with different countries of origin.Notice when you have moved into a new identity, even if it was not intended, McCabe said. Seek out others who share that new identity as they may also be open to connecting. In turning acquaintances into friends, asking for favors can actually deepen relationships, research shows. It has become less common to ask for help because we have all these apps on our phones that do what friends used to do, Krems said.They will take you to the airport, pick up groceries when you are sick, babysit your kids, install your TV or help you carry a couch. But asking someone for a favor, if that person helps you, turns out to actually make them like you better, Krems said. We do not want to feel like a burden, she acknowledged. But a way to avoid that is to put yourself in the other person's shoes.Vulnerability And Trust Building TipsIf I can do a favor for one of my friends, I feel like a god, Krems said. Imagine if you could give that feeling to somebody. Opening yourself up to show a little vulnerability in a conversation has a similar effect of increasing trust, said Dr. Alison Nagel, an assistant professor at the University of Virginia who directs the Connection Project. That project aims to combat loneliness and social disconnection among adolescents and young adults.There is a lot of research that shows that self-disclosure begets self-disclosure, Nagel told CNN. Folks who are somewhat self-disclosing are more liked and are perceived as more trustworthy by others. As a guideline, Nagel recommends considering whether you would share the same thing with a stranger on a bus. If not, then maybe you are broaching into a little bit of vulnerability, she said.Boundaries are important as well. You can be authentic without asking for more than the relationship can give you in that moment, Nagel said. Going slow and steady feels like a pretty safe approach. This one is about friendship maintenance.Do not wait for the perfect two hours to call a friend to catch up, Krems said. Just call them. Those five minutes of genuine connection are so much more valuable than the call you keep meaning to have.