Dealing with a Challenging Last Name

A reader writes to Miss Manners about the difficulties encountered when sharing a name uncommon in English, though prevalent in its origin. The writer observes a visible hesitation in others as they attempt to pronounce the name silently.

While in-person corrections are easy, online settings present a challenge, particularly with universal muting. Miss Manners suggests briefly including the pronunciation in parentheses when joining online forums, but cautions against using excessive punctuation or undignified expressions.

Spectator Etiquette at Sporting Events

Another reader is frustrated by a grandmother who attends children’s sporting events and spends the time loudly discussing unrelated topics. The writer believes attendees should focus on the game and show respect to the young athletes.

Miss Manners’ Response

Miss Manners advises that sometimes, politeness involves keeping criticisms to oneself. Engaging in disputes with a player’s grandmother during a game is considered inappropriate.

Responding to Unsolicited Advice

A parent of a child with a visible disability seeks advice on politely declining unwanted advice. They acknowledge that such advice often comes from a place of care and good intentions, despite being unhelpful.

A Polite Approach

Miss Manners suggests responding with a polite “Thank you. That’s something for me to think about,” even if the advice is immediately dismissed. She notes that this often discourages further follow-up.

For advice that is dangerous or overly critical, Miss Manners recommends omitting the smile and adopting a frostier tone of voice while using the same polite phrasing.

Additional Etiquette Questions

Miss Manners also addressed questions about muting spouses during online meetings, concerns about sending birthday cards, and the proper way to decline unwanted advice. She emphasizes the importance of graciousness and assuming good intentions, while also acknowledging that nosiness and a desire to dictate can sometimes be factors.

Contacting Miss Manners

Readers can submit their etiquette questions to Miss Manners through her website, www.missmanners.com, via email at gentlereader@missmanners.com, or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.