Joe Nguyen, a digital strategist for The Denver Post, is facing a challenging professional environment where his boss exhibits signs of severe alcoholism while remaining employed. Nguyen describes his manager as a “functioning alcoholic,” capable of maintaining his job despite being actively intoxicated.

The Burden of Acknowledging a Problem

Nguyen notes that his refusal to ignore the drinking has sometimes resulted in the boss directing anger toward him, believing Nguyen is attempting to undermine him. The employee’s primary desire is for both his boss and the entire office staff to acknowledge the reality of the situation.

Sabotaged Efforts and Enabling Concerns

The strategist feels let down, as a significant part of his role involves ensuring his boss looks competent, an effort he feels is now being sabotaged. Consequently, Nguyen has largely withdrawn his support for the manager. He fears that reporting the issue or confronting the boss directly would only result in temporary improvement before the behavior reverts.

This dynamic has led Nguyen to feel that continuing his work is tantamount to enabling the boss’s habit. He is now seeking effective strategies to cope with this ongoing workplace stressor.

Expert Guidance on Setting Boundaries

The advice provided suggests that Nguyen should focus on establishing internal boundaries between himself and his manager. The letter reveals a sense of personal responsibility and disappointment regarding the boss’s actions, which needs to be addressed.

Distinguishing Professional Impact from Personal Crusade

While the boss’s drinking is undeniably a professional issue affecting job performance, the attempt to stop it has taken on the characteristics of a personal mission for Nguyen. The feeling of enabling him is common, but simply performing one’s duties, even those involving correcting mistakes, does not constitute enabling.

It is crucial for Nguyen to recognize the established hierarchy; he does not possess the power to force the boss or the office to face reality, nor is it his responsibility to do so. Drawing this distinction is essential for his well-being.

Focusing on Controllable Outcomes

Instead of pursuing a confrontation that may be futile, consulting with upper management is recommended as a more constructive step. When discussing the situation with management, Nguyen should express his concerns, noting that assistance is available for the boss.

However, the conversation must pivot to focus strictly on what Nguyen requires to perform his job successfully. This focus on his own needs and controllable factors is the most effective path forward.

Secondary Topic: Relationship Insecurities

The article also addresses a separate query from a man in his 30s whose boyfriend of six months resents his friendly relationship with an ex-partner. The boyfriend frequently misinterprets the ex’s actions and harbors resentment, likely stemming from his own nonexistent relationship with his ex.

Navigating Friendships and Trust

The inquirer wants to attend a group trip in the spring that includes his close friend (the ex), but his current boyfriend is expressing resistance by citing cost and work conflicts.

While partners should generally take what one another says at face value, the advice cautions against doing so in this instance. The boyfriend’s stated concerns mask underlying insecurities related to his previous relationship trauma.

The couple must have a serious conversation about trust, regardless of the trip decision. The boyfriend needs to manage his lingering trauma, as partners cannot dictate who the other person maintains friendships with, especially when those friendships predate the current relationship.