In the competitive world of online dating, new research suggests that how you present yourself may be just as important as what you say. Presenting yourself effectively can significantly impact your success in finding a connection.

The Problem with Adjective Lists

“6’1. Outdoorsy. Ambitious. Sarcastic. Dog dad. Gym-ish. Traveler. Foodie. Fluent in banter. Good vibes only.” This type of adjective-heavy profile was a common sight for many daters. Researchers found these lists felt impersonal, resembling a product description rather than a genuine introduction.

Why Stories Resonate

Companies have long understood the power of storytelling. Instead of simply listing features, brands create narratives to increase consumer engagement and emotional connection. For example, you don’t just buy a car for its speed and safety; you buy into a legacy of family protection.

From childhood, we are captivated by good stories. When someone tells a compelling story, we lean in, forget ourselves, and become immersed in their world. This immersive experience allows us to process information more deeply and connect on a more emotional level.

Research on Storytelling and Dating Profiles

Researchers have consistently shown that storytelling is a powerful marketing tool, helping brands stand out and spark desire. To explore this further in the context of dating, a series of studies were conducted.

Study 1: Narrative vs. Non-Narrative Profiles

In one study, participants were shown dating profiles presenting either a narrative or a non-narrative self-presentation of a potential partner. The narrative profile, for example, read: “Dan. I come from a world of art. I learned to play guitar from a young age… Today I am an economics student. At the same time, I work in the high-tech industry.”

Participants reported greater empathy and romantic interest in the individual presented through the narrative profile compared to the list-based profile.

Study 2: Pictorial Storytelling

A second study examined the impact of photos that “told a story.” These profiles featured photos depicting a typical day in the potential partner’s life, from exercising in the morning to socializing in the evening. These were compared to profiles with photos in neutral settings.

Study 3: Combining Text and Visuals

The final study combined narrative and non-narrative written profiles with narratively interconnected and non-interconnected photos. The results confirmed that narrative self-presentations significantly increased empathy and romantic interest.

The Power of Human Connection

Narrative self-presentations humanize profiles and encourage genuine emotional engagement, countering the objectifying nature of online dating. By presenting themselves as relatable individuals, people are more likely to be seen as fellow human beings rather than commodities.

How to Improve Your Dating Profile

Instead of listing qualities like “Funny,” try something like, “I laugh at my own jokes first. It’s a character flaw.” Instead of “Outdoorsy,” try, “Most weekends I disappear into a trail, come back sunburned, and swear I’ll bring more water next time.”

Take a moment to review your current profile. Did you write a list, or did you tell a scene? Try transforming one bullet point into a story and see how it feels.

Ultimately, it’s not just height or ambition that attracts someone; it’s your entire story. And the right person needs more than bullet points to feel that connection.

Source: Birnbaum, G. E., & Zholtack, K. (2022). Once upon a swipe: The impact of storytelling on dating profile appeal. researchgate.net