Family Secrets and Book Revelations

A reader recently wrote to advice columnist R. Eric Thomas, detailing a distressing discovery within her brother’s newly released book. While browsing an online sample, she was shocked to find he had disclosed a very personal incident from their childhood in the acknowledgments section.

Unexpected Disclosure and Emotional Fallout

The reader, who has been in therapy for years addressing childhood experiences, described the revelation as “very shocking,” leading to several sleepless nights. She confronted her brother, resulting in a heated exchange and a seemingly insincere apology via text message.

Was a Warning Needed?

The core of her question centered on whether she was wrong to expect a heads-up or the opportunity to discuss the inclusion of this incident before publication. R. Eric Thomas firmly responded, stating she was “not wrong at all.” He emphasized that her brother owed her at least a warning and ideally, her permission before sharing something so personal.

Thomas explained that even if the incident wasn’t particularly sensitive, a writer has a duty to consult with those affected by their work. He further noted that an acknowledgments section is intended to express gratitude, not to reveal private experiences without consent.

Navigating an Estranged and Hostile Relationship

Another reader sought advice regarding a deeply fractured relationship with her younger brother, who lives in another state. The siblings hold opposing political views, and the brother has become increasingly hostile, blaming her and their younger sister for representing everything he dislikes about the opposing political party.

Escalating Hostility and Concern

Despite blocking her brother’s messages, the reader sent a simple birthday wish via email, which was met with a barrage of obscenities and threats. She expressed concern that recent surgeries might be affecting his mental state and questioned whether his wife influences his anger.

Is Reconciliation Possible?

R. Eric Thomas acknowledged that change is possible but deemed it unlikely that the reader is in a position to facilitate it. He stressed that she is not responsible for her brother’s behavior, particularly given the history of vicious attacks. He suggested that his response indicates a lack of desire for connection and that his anger isn’t based on any offense committed by the reader.

Thomas advised considering reaching out to the brother’s wife to express concern, but cautioned proceeding with caution, as the desired contact may not be reciprocated. He emphasized that his violent language makes constructive conversation impossible.

R. Eric Thomas writes the "Asking Eric" column for Tribune Content Agency. He previously wrote at Slate. Questions can be sent to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.