Singer Brandy, 47, is sharing deeply personal reflections on the fatal 2006 car accident that claimed the life of 38-year-old Awatef Aboudihaj in her recently released memoir, Phases. The book, published on Tuesday, March 31, details the emotional toll of the tragedy.

Recalling the Day of the Accident

Brandy described the ordinary nature of the drive before everything changed forever. “It was just a drive, another day traveling the pale concrete veins of the 405,” she wrote in the memoir.

She recounted the suddenness of the event, noting the complete lack of warning. “But all familiarity was shattered on a chilly December morning in 2006. There had been no warning. No shiver down the spine. No flicker in the atmosphere hinting at what was to come.”

A Fragmented Memory

The singer stated that her memory of the collision exists only in pieces. “Still, I couldn't see the danger in time. I didn't see the car ahead of me strike the vehicle in front, didn't register the sudden chain reaction until my world was being split into two halves: before and after,” Brandy penned.

Initially, Brandy believed the crash was her responsibility. However, she recalled a bystander informing her otherwise. She also witnessed Awatef Aboudihaj being removed from one of the damaged vehicles.

The Aftermath and Overwhelming Guilt

Aboudihaj was rushed to the hospital, but tragically passed away the following day. Brandy expressed feeling “unimaginable grief” following the news of the victim’s death.

The guilt immediately consumed her, making simple existence feel undeserved. “Guilt gripped my throat, squeezed harder and harder until breathing became a conscious effort,” she wrote. She acknowledged the reality: “It was an accident — a tragic convergence of circumstance and human error. But a woman had lost her life. And I had lived.”

Struggling to Find Joy

Brandy admitted that the tragedy fundamentally altered her ability to experience happiness. “I no longer felt I had the right to continue living my life, or even to experience fleeting glimmers of joy,” she shared.

She questioned her right to smile or sing in a world where the victim could no longer experience simple pleasures. “The woman who had died would never again feel sunshine on her face or hold her children close. Who was I to smile? To sing? To exist in a world where she no longer could?”

Legal Resolution and Self-Forgiveness

Following the accident, the family of Awatef Aboudihaj initiated a $50 million lawsuit against Brandy, which was eventually resolved through an out-of-court settlement.

Brandy noted that the official investigation cleared her of wrongdoing. “An investigation eventually concluded that this tragic alignment of circumstances wasn't the result of my negligence,” she stated. “Claims were settled. No charges were filed against me.”

Despite the legal outcome, the emotional weight remained heavy. “But by then, the guilt had already calcified in my soul, hardening into something permanent and unmovable.” It took significant time and therapy for Brandy to finally grant herself forgiveness for the tragic event.