A reader is grappling with a delicate family situation and seeking advice on whether to continue a long-standing tradition. The question centers around sending birthday cards to her grandniece, “Rita,” who is turning 10.

The Complicated Family History

The letter writer has a strained relationship with her sister, stemming from an incident where her sister’s husband became abusive towards her. She is estranged from one of her sister’s sons, but has maintained a connection with the other, “Allen,” who is Rita’s father. She lives in a different state and hasn’t seen Rita since she was two years old.

The Birthday Card Tradition

Despite the distance and family tension, the reader has consistently sent Rita birthday cards each year. Now, as Rita approaches her tenth birthday, the reader worries the child may begin to question who is sending the cards and potentially uncover the family rift. She fears stopping the cards might also reveal the situation if Allen is unaware of it.

Seeking Advice from Eric Thomas

The reader expressed confusion about the best course of action, wanting to maintain peace while also potentially continuing a connection with her grandniece. She questioned whether backing away from the relationship altogether was the right choice.

Eric Thomas’s Response

Eric Thomas suggests a direct conversation with Allen is a viable option. He emphasizes that all parties are adults capable of navigating separate relationships and setting boundaries. He notes that the reader has already established a relationship with Rita through the cards over nearly a decade.

Thomas advises discretion when discussing the fractured relationship with Allen’s mother, focusing the conversation on the potential impact on Rita. He encourages the reader to express her desire to continue reaching out to Rita and ask Allen if it would be welcome.

Additional Advice Column Highlights

In addition to this dilemma, Eric Thomas also addressed a question about a stepson cutting off contact with his father over inheritance expectations, suggesting deeper issues may be at play. He also briefly mentioned advice columns from Miss Manners and Harriette Cole.

Readers can submit questions to Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.