Miss Manners: Navigating Social Etiquette

Dealing with an Awkward Name

Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin, and Jacobina Martin, the authors of “Miss Manners,” recently addressed a reader concerned about their surname resembling an impolite four-letter word. The name, while common in its origin language, often causes visible discomfort when first encountered by English speakers.

Pronunciation Challenges

The reader explained that in person, they can quickly clarify the pronunciation. However, online meetings with locked mute functions present a challenge. Miss Manners suggests briefly including the pronunciation in parentheses when joining online forums, but cautions against using excessive punctuation or undignified expressions.

Addressing Disruptive Behavior

Another reader sought advice on handling an older woman who loudly discusses unrelated topics during children’s sporting events, instead of watching the games. Miss Manners emphasizes the importance of respecting the athletes by being present and attentive.

The Value of Restraint

According to Miss Manners, sometimes politeness simply means keeping criticisms to oneself. Engaging in arguments with a player’s grandmother during a game is considered inappropriate.

Politely Declining Unsolicited Advice

A parent of a child with a visible disability wrote in seeking guidance on how to respond to well-meaning but unwanted advice. The parent and their husband rely on a team of medical professionals for their son’s care.

A Gracious Response

Miss Manners advises acknowledging the advice with a polite “Thank you. That’s something for me to think about,” even if the advice is ultimately disregarded. She notes that people generally offer advice out of care and rarely follow up after receiving this response.

When a Firm Tone is Needed

Miss Manners adds that if the advice is dangerous or overly critical, a simple “Thank you” is sufficient, delivered without a smile and with a firm tone. She acknowledges that not all advice is well-intentioned, as nosiness and a desire to control can sometimes be factors.

“Miss Manners,” penned by Judith Martin and her children, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, has been providing guidance on American etiquette since 1978. Questions can be sent to dearmissmanners@gmail.com.

The column also briefly mentioned a separate query regarding how to address a husband’s “gross habit” without causing offense.