The $30 million sobriety experiment

When she wrote about her sobriety 18 months ago, the author was convinced she'd never go back to drinking. She was 12 months sober and had never felt better, with no alcohol passing her lips since January 8, 2024. A pledge she made to herself: she wouldn't drink again until she felt like she wanted to.

However, the urge to drink never materialised, and she found herself questioning her all-or-nothing attitude towards drinking.

As a party girl turned healthy, sober single mother on a mission, it was hard for people to believe that she hadn't touched a drop of booze. Looking back, she can understand why.

From sobriety to balance

The author's life improved significantly when she stopped drinking: her work, health,appearance, and relationships all benefited from her sobriety. She was more alert, awake, clear, and patient, and the people around her noticed.

However, she began to feel like sobriety had become a part of her identity, and she started to wonder if she was missing out on the social aspect of drinking.

She decided to meet her friends in Manchester and fly out with the gang at the end of May 2025, and she planned to have a drink or two on special occasions - without turning it into a big deal.

The fear of being a hypocrite

The author worried about being seen as a fraud or hypocrite, given her outspoken views on sobriety and its benefits. she also wanted to prove to herself that she had a healthy relationship with booze - one or two drinks didn't define her.

She decided to savour a limoncello spitz in Sorrento, and her friends assured her there was zero pressure and that they supported whatever she chose.

The first drink wasn't the scary part - she enjoyed it, and the old familiar feeling of weightless legs and giggles came back after just one. She felt the buzz she hadn't felt in over 18 months.

The return of the drink

The author found herself thinking: 'What if this means I've failed?' Eighteen months earlier , she had made the decision to stop drinking, not because she'd hit rock bottom or because anyone had staged an intervention, but simply because she wanted a fresh start.

She realised that she liked herself more without alcohol, and she was determined to keep her sobriety experiment going.

However, she also wanted to prove to herself that she could enjoy a drink or two on special occasions without turning it into a big deal.

Open questions

Will the author be able to maintain her sobriety experiment, or will she find herself slipping back into old habits? Can she prove to herself that she has a healthy relationship with booze, or will she be seen as a hypocrite?

Only time will tell, but one thing is certain - the author's journey of self-discovery and identity is far from over .